No. 6: Self-portrait 002

Trigger Warning: Suicide, Mental Health, Drug Use.

Hello friends,

As most of you know, my brother has taken his own life last year and left behind hundreds of artworks that I’m chronicling and showcasing to the world using this Substack.

Today, I want to share the story of "Self-portrait 002," a remarkable piece of art that has undergone quite a journey of transformation in the last weeks.

Acrylic on canvas, using a palette knife

This painting, an unusually tall piece measuring 150cm(59”) by 60cm(24”), as tall as a person, holds a special place in our collection. It's not just its size that makes it stand out, but also the story behind its revival.

This painting is also very special as it is the ONLY painting that my brother left of this aspect ratio that is very rarely used in paintings. Almost every other painting he created are in the typical 3:2 aspect ratio.

I find the depth of texture and use of “impasto” intriguing. Impasto is a term used in painting and sometimes in pottery. It means the paint is laid on thickly in places, thick enough so the brush or painting-knife strokes can be seen. When dry, impasto gives texture, because some of the paint stands out from the canvas.

When I first found "Self-portrait 002," it was literally covered in plant soil and mold. Time and conditions had taken their toll, leaving the frame and canvas damaged and in need of urgent care.

To restore the painting, I worked closely with a local art conservator for days. An art conservator is someone who knows how to clean and repair artworks. They use special techniques to make sure the art stays safe while they work on it. We re-stretched the canvas on a new frame. Turns out acrylic paintings are surprisingly resilient.

Together, we carefully cleaned the painting and fixed what could be salvaged.

It was a delicate process, requiring patience and precision. We had to be gentle to not harm the original work while removing the layers of dust and grime that had accumulated over the years.

The process was a true learning experience for me. I gained insights into the importance of conservation work and the meticulous effort required to preserve art. It was fascinating to see how the conservator's skilled hands and knowledge could breathe new life into the painting.

I also asked the art conservator for a comment about the painting and this is what he said(translating from Spanish), choosing to remain anonymous:

As an art critic, I find this painting intriguing for its straightforward approach and reliance on the palette knife technique. The artist's choice to layer paint thickly gives the work an immediate, tactile presence. Yet, despite the dynamic texture, the overall composition strikes me as somewhat derivative and simplistic, echoing the broader strokes of German Expressionism and Abstract Expressionism without deeply exploring the depth these movements are known for.

The almost-monochromatic palette, while bold, limits the painting's visual complexity. It's a choice that simplifies the piece, focusing our gaze on form and movement but perhaps at the expense of nuance. This simplicity, though it may lend the work a certain directness and purity, also leaves one craving more—a deeper dive into the subtleties of emotion and expression these mediums can offer.

The painting's energy and the visceral quality of its execution are undeniable. However, these qualities also underscore a sense of familiarity, as if we've seen similar expressions elsewhere. The heavy reliance on black and white, intended to distill emotion to its essence, unfortunately, veers towards the predictable, not fully seizing the vast potential of abstraction to evoke the unseen or the unthought.

In essence, while the painting commands attention with its raw texture and immediate visual impact, its overall execution feels somewhat constrained by its influences. It beckons the viewer for a moment but lacks the layers and complexity that invite prolonged contemplation or discovery. In future works, one hopes to see a more adventurous exploration of medium and message that transcends the initial impression of simplicity and derivation.

TL;DR: he didn’t think much about the painting. But I believe that my brother’s paintings got MUCH better with time, and this one being one of his oldest paintings.

The note on the back of the painting was especially difficult to decipher this time. I have a weird feeling like my brother knew I would be doing this and he’s making it more difficult on purpose to tease me.

The note was glued in on the back of the canvas. Heavily stained with ink.

Transcript:

Self-portrait 002

Substances ingested:

- 4mg clonazepam, sublingual

- 50mg heroin, insufflated, typical cheap afghan brown.

Redosed several times over the span of a day. Should've boofed the H.

Entirely painted using my palette knife.

In the realm of high-brow art, one often finds oneself at a crossroads between tribute and originality. In what was initially conceived as an ode to Lichtenstein, this elongated canvas became the very bane of my existence. Almost literally.

Such is the plight of the modern drug-addict-artist.

Lichtenstein turned out derivative. Refusing to succumb to [...] that plagues our society, [...] the mediocrity that lay before me.

With a palate cleansed by drugs of subservience to pop art's autocrats, I embarked upon a journey of transformation. The canvas was my arena, my coliseum, where I would battle the ghost of artistic repetition and emerge...

What you see now is the failing roar of the contemporary artist's spirit—a chaotic symphony of strokes that dares you not to look away and scream:

THIS GUY DIDN’T LEARN ANATOMY

FUCK YOU

According to the note left by my brother behind the painting, it was entirely painted using a palette knife and he has painted over a failed Lichtenstein derivative.

I hope this story inspires you as much as it has inspired me. Art, in all its forms, has the power to endure and captivate, even through times of adversity. "Self-portrait 002" is now ready to be seen and admired once again, a symbol of triumph over neglect.

Thank you for your support and, as always,

Be well.